No New Friends
No New Friends
In the generation of ‘Fake love’ and ‘ No new friends’, genuine people are hard to come by. Finding a real good friend isn’t a luxury that all of us can afford anymore. Not everyone you meet is going to be your friend and even if they are that doesn't mean they will be in your Best Friend Forever.
‘A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.’
According to the oxford dictionary, a friend is a person you have a bond of mutual affect. For me that is not good enough
For me, making friends wasn't the hardest thing to-do; the issue I faced with was keeping them. Post high school, I would meet girls/ guys and we would hang out for a while but for one reason or another the friendship would always wither away. For a while I thought maybe I was doing something wrong or I just wasn't a likeable person. It took me a while to realise that some people were seasonal and were only meant to be in my life short a short period of time.
In high school, I dipped and dabbed between friendship groups. It wasn't until maybe year 11 when I felt that I had real substantial friends and even then I was still very skeptical about them. It took a couple traumatic situations for me to really understand who my real friends were. I went through a period in life were the people in my life would kiss me on the cheek whilst stabbing me in my back.
Being 16 and not having any idea who you could trust was a hard phase to go through but I would never change my experiences for the world. It thought me how I wanted to be treated and how I should treat other people. I learned that no everyone was your friend and that there were many wolves in sheep’s clothing. I had to think about qualities I desired in a friend and if possessed the qualities I sought.
I concluded that a good friend was person who I could trust, a person who trusted me back. A friend is a person who respected me enough to be honest with me and a person who I did not have to make excuses for. A friend was a person who was reliable and supportive and encouraged to do better and be better. A friend was not for convenience. A friend was not a bank and a friend was not a means to an end.
How to spot a good friend
1) Do they make an effort?
One of the most important factors I consider when it comes to making friends is if they make an effort with you. If you find yourself being the only person reaching out or making all the phone calls then you should really raise the red flag. I know people are busy and it’s not always easy to fit people in, but if you know who your friends are, you will always make the effort to keep them. No body said you have to hound each other every day, but a little reminded to let your friend know that you are still there and you still care goes a long way.
2) Can you trust them?
We all have those friends that like to embellish the truth a little but are these the kinds of people you want surround yourself with? Friends that constantly lie can be detrimental to your mental well being. If you find that you have a friend that is constantly lying, you have to reconsider your friendship. Do not make the same mistakes as Frick and Frack from Real Housewives. Don't be a fool for a fake friend who feeds you fake truths. A real friend will always tell you the truth even if it hurts. Hang on to those real, rude friends that hit you hard with the tough love and the harsh reality. They have your back more than you know it.
3) Are they loyal?
Loyalty is something that is very hard to come by. If you have friend that is constantly getting you into drama or bitching about you to other people then you really need to delete that one from your contact list. Loyalty is fundamental to any kind of relationship and is something that you should take pride in. This means always having your friends back when they are in the right and correcting them when they are wrong. Loyalty is the ability to a keep a secret and supporting your friend when they need you the most. Loyalty is saving your friends wig when it falls off on the dance floor.
4) Are they a good time or a long time?
Watch out for those good time friends who love to party but you can’t have them around your boyfriend. A good time friend is a friend who always calls you to get drunk or to do other fun activities but who can not be trusted for shit. These kinds of friends know the best clubs, have the best dance moves but wouldn't have a clue what loyalty is. You can keep them around but always know your limits with them. Those are the bitches that will invite you out but will leave you outside the club if you can’t get in.
5) Do you they support you?
Support can come in many formats, whether it being listening, hugging, financially or emotionally. Being a supportive friends means paying full price to support your friends business. Real friend will always support you when you are going through hard times by taking time to listen to your problems and understanding your feelings. Real friends will be there when you lose your job or when you break up with your shitty boyfriend. Real friends will turn up to events and support you through all your rises and falls.
For me, a friend is a person that you don't have to see or speak to them everyday to know that they still love you. You don't have to have everything in common or have all the same views. A friend is someone whom you have an understanding with and will be there at lowest point as well as your highest.
A friend isn’t about how long you have known some on for but they quality and intentions of their heart. I was scared to make new friends because I had trust issues. If I hadn’t opened my mind to the possibilities, I could have missed out of all the great new people I have met now.
A Friend is not about who has lent you the most money or who has the nicest clothes. It’s about having family outside your family.
No friendship perfect but it’s import to be selective with who you invest your time with.
My first year of university was an interesting one. I went in with a closed minded mentality and the reluctance to make new friends. After a period of self-isolation and seclusion, I become home sick and anxious. I frequently visited the mental health care counselor who advised me to get out of the house and make friends. At first I was very reluctant, but this piece of advice may have actually saved my life.
At the beginning it was awful. I made a habit of prejudging people before I got to know them, which limited my ability to interact with people. One of my housemates, Gaby, slowly grew on me. She was the polar opposite to what I thought she was. The more time we spent together, the more I got to understand her and appreciate her as a person. This really opened my eyes and taught me not to judge a book by it's cover.
I learned the importance of being open mined when meeting new people. Everyone was different no matter what past experiences I had had. From then on I went to meet other fantastic people who made my Uni experience a little more enjoyable. Some friends stuck and others got lost along the journey, but equally played a part in my university experience.
6) Do they understand you?
A friend that understands you will never put you an compromising position. They will know your limits and they will never punch below the belt. A good friend will know you're a jackass at times but can see passed this because they know your heart.
7) Are they real?
Do they really like you or are you just a means to an end? Fake friends are people who pretend to like you but really have an agenda. This could be a financial agenda, a popularity agenda or even a business agenda. Don't trust that bitch! If they only come out with you because you’re paying, you are their free food friend. Don’t be that person! If they only call you for money, say no! you are not a bank. If they tell you that you look nice in that ugly ass green sweater, they are not your friend!
8) Are they Selfish?
Nobody needs a Me! Me!, Me! Friend. If they can talk about themselves for half an hour and not ask how you are, you need to regulate that girl. There is nothing worse than selfish people and selfish friends. Don't be that person.
9) Old friend or good friend
Don't confuse a long time friend as a good friend. If she doesn't possess the qualities of a good person, you don't have to keep them around just because you have known them for years. Friendship is about quality instead of quantity. If you ever have to make excuses for them or find yourself saying “ it’s fine that's just who she/he is”, to explain or excuse someone for their negative behaviour then you should analyse your friendship. Is this a genuine friendship or a friendship out of convenience?
10) Are they good Vibes ?
If your friend is constantly moaning or constantly making you feel bad about yourself, you need to let her know she is killing your vibe. Remember misery loves company. It’s unfair for you to carry those vibrations because that kind of energy is draining. You need to tell your friend how they are making you feel. If they are bringing your mood down but you don't tell them, you are also a part of the problem. Some people do not realise that they are doing it.